Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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