one might say we're banned from that church
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
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