You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
