Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(207): View more from Maine

There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.

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(831): View more from California

you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger

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(954): View more from Florida

I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.

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(540): View more from Virginia

Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.

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(203): View more from Connecticut

you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack

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(843): View more from South Carolina

I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises

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(210): View more from Texas

Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...

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(240): View more from Maryland

don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.

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