I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Can I color on your dick again?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Randomize
