so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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