im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
