i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
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