If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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