I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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