It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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