Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
