Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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