He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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