good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
