So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
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