so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
