I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
In other news, I just burned my penis
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Randomize
