You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i already hear my dad disowning me
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
