Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
