I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
