Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
