absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
