I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
