Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
