yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
