Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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