Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
