its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
