It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
