you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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