I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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