Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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