i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
