he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
