I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i love accidental penises.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
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