You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
