i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
