Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
