i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
