my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
