Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
mondays should just be called national damage control day
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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