i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
