Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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