She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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