I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
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