You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
