Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
accomplished twins. life is a go
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
