I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Randomize
