we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Randomize
