Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
