Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
