just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
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