You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
