I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
