Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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