He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize