I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
