i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
