People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
