oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Randomize
