I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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