do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
