im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I came so hard my ears popped.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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