so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
