you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
