When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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