weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
