forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
if only i could text you this smell
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
