Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
