I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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