i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
