Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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