I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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