Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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