you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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