Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
