Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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