Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Still dying that you shit outside
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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