Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
