i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
