found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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