..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
is wine microwaveable?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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