I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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