do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
