So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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