wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
