Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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