There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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