Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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