pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize